pockyska

Alright, so I'm the kind of person, who when sufficiently irritated about something, feels compelled to tell everyone and their mother about it. Guess what? I'm sufficiently irritated about something. (Technically, I'm irritated by alot of things lately, but it's the end of the semester and no surprise really. Right now lets just focus on this rant shall we?)

So, I'm stuck writing an essay for a philosophy class that practically gives me hives I loathe it so much (I was too stubbornly hopeful to drop it and it wasn't worth wasting a W on so I decided to stick it out). Now ok, I don't like the class, fine, put on my big girl panties and deal with someone railing on at me about how infantile I am for 3 hours a week. However the weeks have added up over the months and apparently this straws really breaking my back.

'But Alex,' I hear you say, 'what makes this essay so very terrible? What could possibly be so hard for a writer to write about?' Funny you should ask that reader I am hallucinating, because I wonder the same thing. Why should this rile me so, all I have to do is translate the dialogue into my own lingo, no biggie.

Except its one of the most pointless subjects I can think of to argue about: religion, specifically, Does God exist? Now, I'm sorry, to offend anyone when I say this but, who cares!??!

Seriously, think about it, this is one of the dumbest things to debate over, everyone's got a stick up their ass regarding their opinion on religion, so they'll fight about it till the cows come home and not go anywhere. The subject just lends itself to this pigheaded mindset because there is no way to prove or disprove any of it. How the hell are you gonna prove God exists, you can't exactly call God up in the phone book and be all "Hey divine entity, could you talk to my pal Tony here? He seems to think you don't exist and I think he's full of it!" Like wise there's no scientific proof that says there is no God, sorry guys, we may have won with evolution but the big question's not gonna work.

I guess I'm pissed because I don't see the point in arguing over it, what does it matter if someone disagrees on this subject? You believe there's a God, good for you, them thinking there is no God doesn't change that, and you can just pat yourself on the back when you croak and find out your right. Same thing for atheists, you don't think God exists, good for you, let theists have thier security blanket, we're all gonna end up dead anyhow. And you over there, you think God's a ham sandwich? Fantastic! Let's all agree to disagree and have a frigging parade for our diversity! Sheez.

So where am I in this argument? I'm smack dab at 'I don't know and I don't care'. Maybe Christians got it right, maybe Budhists did, or Islam, or Jewish people, or Pastafareans, who knows? Who cares? I don't! Whatever God is, whatever happens when we die, whether God exists or there is anything more does not really concern me all that often, and when I think of it, it's more in bored abstract curiosity than anything else. Ya know why? Because all I can know for certain is here and now, so why don't I focus on that. As far as I know my will is my own, God doesn't make me do anything or have say in my destiny, and even if everything is written on high, I can't very well change that now can I?

Divine power does not make people do good or bad things, suffering in the world is not punishment for sins, the successful are not God's chosen people. We're all just human beings, small and rather pathetic when measured against the yardstick of the universe, but we're responsible for ourselves. We can choose to be kind to each other and open to other views, we can choose to be empathetic and to try for happiness. We can also choose to hurt eachother, to wallow in hate and misery, we choose to kill and draw lines in the sand. We can choose to blame it all on some ultimate plan or we can decide to divine our own fate.

I get pissed off when I see extremists using some religious dogma to justify their own prejudice bigotry. God is not telling you to hate someone for not agreeing with you, God is not telling you to hate those who look different, the Devil is not to blame for whatever problems there are in the world. God never said you had to be a part of religion A, B, X, Q, or 12 or you would go rot in some hell for eternity. God did not write any of those books, humans did to justify their rules and give themselves some feeling of larger purpose.

I'm tired of people who preach about love and acceptance but don't live it. Don't bullshit me about God's eternal love and forgiveness when you're going to turn around and spit on someone for loving their own gender or not being the 'right religion'. That's what sticks in my craw, the whole false piety of if you follow the proper rituals, if you abstain from sex before marriage, if you go to church, if you pray, if you beg forgiveness. I've got an idea, how bout you actually be kind? How bout you accept those who are different from you? How bout you give a dollar to charity? How bout you help the person who trips in the street? How bout you just act like a decent human being without implying its just because you are a "religion X member"? Why is that so damned hard for people? When did human decency start to feel like the exception rather than the norm?

Alright, alright, I think I've shot my mouth off enough, I'm hardly even on the original subject anymore. I'm just pissed off and grumpy and it shows. I guess I'll go finish that damned essay now.

It’s strange how often times I pick up a book, expecting it to be at least a bit poignant and enlightening, only to find it vaguely depressing and pointless. Which in truth, was probably the book’s goal and my idealistic views just warped my perception but still… Also I’m a little annoyed with the random horny sexcapades stories, usually written in male perspective. I dunno, maybe I’m just not in touch with the adolescent male psyche, but really, can we give a guy more credit than him contemplating jacking off to his teacher/the popular chick and cursing every other word? Ironically enough, the worst of these are female writers…which sort of confuses me and annoys me. I mean come on, do you really think all the opposite sex does is curse, contemplate accessing a chick’s pants, and get stoned? And if we’re being realistic here, look at how many female perspectives skip over these sort of subjects unless the girls supposed to be a badass. Let’s be fair here, if we’re going to write for hormonal teenagers, be real about it. Yes guys think about sex, but girls do too, and I doubt that’s all either of them think about. Maybe I’m just cockeyed in my view of things but really; I just can’t appreciate a story which has the conclusion of guy does a lot of drugs and gets laid by hot chick , I can’t tolerate the opposite either, or the whole everything coming out rainbows either. A good story should at least have some sort of resolution though, should make you feel something other than “well that was disappointing” once you finish it. It doesn’t have to end perfectly, with everything happy, but can at least give you a sense that it’s going somewhere; not just leave you feeling it was half-finished and you’ve gone no where. Call me old fashioned or crazy, I just like a book that gives you a connection to it. A book with an actual plot and characters that move and grow and are more than some vague stereotypes and impulses sewn together in some grotesque heap feels worth reading. But a book that just half-assedly weaves together impulses, excessively dysfunctional relationships, attempting identity and the struggle for adolescent understanding with random excessive drug use and seemingly gratuitous sex; that acts like it’s parading some great feeling to you but doesn’t quite reach, just feels like a waste. It’s an attempt at identifying with troubled youths or maybe just the troubled in general, but it just comes off cheap and insincere. Maybe I’m just a priss, but I find it a little offensive as well, to be strung a long for a hundred something odd pages to come away with “That is what you think of  my peers and I?”. Of course, I’m the one who gets suckered into these sort of books every time, so what does that say about me? I keep reading them, expecting a meaning; so they must be doing something right.  

Then again, this may be my general disgruntled mood from lack of sleep talking here. After all, I'm only some adolescent schmuck with a loud mouth and an internet connection, so what the hell do I know?

How come no one ever told me about Paolo Nutini? (Man, New Shoes is catchy)

Anyway, for reasons known only to my massive subconcious, I thought it'd be a good idea to compose a list of books that I really like. And because I'm annoying that way, I now deem it needed to spam anyone who actually reads this with said list. Who knows, there might actually be something you'll like here, give it a chance. I'll prolly post another list later with some of my favourite music albums (as opposed to noise albums).

*Ahem* The List of Books I Find Awesomes (not in any sort of order):

Tithe by Holly Black

I remember being iffy about picking this one up for the longest while, but eventually giving in, man am I glad I did. It's literally what it says, a modern fairytale. Girl lives with single band singer mom, girl goes out and parties with Jersey friends. Girl meets pretty fairy/elf walking home (saves his life). Massive domino effect ensues, old secrets revealed, etc. I tore through this sucker in just a night (and it's a thick one). Be warned probably more of a chick book than a guy one.

Valiant by Holly black

Second book by this author, just as great but from a slightly different angle. Think, Jersey girl runs away from home (for warranted reason), meets crazy street rats, becomes crazy street rats. Helps street rats dumpster dive and traffic fairy drugs, gets involved with underground fairy conflicts. Learns to swordfight and finds unexpected love along the way. Yes, yet another chick book (I promise not all of them are).

Gingerbread (and the sequel Shrimp) by Rachel Cohn

This is an old one of mine (read it back in middleschool). Follows the story of Cyd (through her eyes) as she works her way through drug recoveries, a bad relationships, good relationships, recovering screwed up family ties and figuring stuff out for her self. Kinda a love-hate relationship with this one, sometimes empathize and sympathize with main character, sometimes want to beat the crud out of her. Again, prolly leans to the chick side.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

How do I explain a book that nearly broke my brain? This was just one of those amazing sort of reads, that by the end you can't figure out if you liked it or hated it, but are pretty sure you feel something. Chronicles the experiences of Charlie through letters to an anonymous someone as he goes through his freshman year of highschool. Deals with discovering sex, drugs, and figuring out who you are while dealing with the death of loved ones and recovering buried things. I think a great book for anyone in highschool or who remembers those strange days where nothing made sense (but you were always expecting it too).

What my Mother Doesn't Know by Sonya Sones

Witty yet awkward highschool romance between to art kids described through the poetry of the female party. Really interesting way to tell a story and it flows wonderfully. Fairly light-hearted story I really related too, deals with being a bit of a social outcast while coping with your family's dysfunctionality as well. More of a chick novel again, and probably more suited for the younger set (though I recently reread it and still enjoyed it).

It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

The Funniest story about having depression you may ever read. Written from the perspective of a depressed fifteen year old boy dealing with being only average at a genius school, trying to decipher girls, and figuring out among a group of genius stoners who his real friends are. He ends up institutionalized from thoughts of suicide and the story picks up from there. In the institute he befriends a smattering of insane and quirky characters (I was rather fond of the old guy from jersey and Jimmy) and reevaluates what he wants and where he's going. I ended up really feeling for this kid (and the other residents of the ward). Awesome read for anybody, seriously, you'll chuckle at least once (if not crack up).  

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn & David Levithan

Just finished reading this book for the second time and loved it. By the time I finished I had the urge to check out the underground scence and go out and party all night (sadly I'm a little goody two-shoes so not happening). Document's the adventures of Nick and Norah a pair of Straight Edge punk kids (from Hoboken and Engelwood respectively), both reconvery from major breakups, whose paths crash topgether when Nick asks Norah to be his Five-Minute-Girlfriend when he spies his ex moving in. From there they go from bad to good to bad in a rollercoaster ride of the late-night Manhatten scene, eventually ending up on the good side. Really great, again a suggestion for anyone (previously punk knowledge not needed) who likes a sarcastic, whirlwind of an unlikely romance.    

Twilight & New Moon by Stephenie Meyer

I'll admit since the age of about six I've been a major freak for horror stories, especially with vampires, witches, and ghosts. My favourites are when they're the protagonists not the antagonists (yes I have sympathy for the undead). This series of novels Portrays the whole vampire romance in a whole different light, making them far more human and far less the frillily clad aristocrats of Anne Rice novels (no offense to Anne Rice's work, I read that too). Most specifically the vampire protagonists of this story are of the humane variety. Written from the perspective of Bella, who becomes entangled into their world in a tiny northern town when she begins to fall in love with one of them. There are clan conflicts, questions of if she'll be turned and clashes with werewolves thus far. This is really an incredibly compelling romance story and I recall nearly crying for Bella a few times in the novel (and cheering for her too, I'm a sap I know). The Third book comes out soon and hopefully the author will be coming out with a parallel to this series written in the Male Main Character's perspective (I can't wait) which should be more appealing to males interested (As of now it's a pretty girly read I think).

Nightlife by Rob Thurman

Meet Cal. Cal's a 19 yr. old dropout that works the graveyard shift in a sleazy bar in Manhatten. Meet Cal's halfbrother Niko, a college dropout who works as a bodyguard in Manhatten. Meet Cal's Father and his freaky demon friends who have been hunting down Cal and his halfbrother Niko since Cal was 14 (keeping them on the lamb for the past few years). Meet along the way a michievous (and randy) pan, a boggle, a vampire, werewolves, an emapth, and a really creepy troll. See how everything goes to hell in a handbasket, see how Niko and Cal react. See it all through the eyes of nineteen yr old Cal. Honestly one of the funniest stories I've read, definitely a unique one. Good for anyone who likes a good laugh mixed with a bit of horror, fantasy, and sarcasm. Oh and the sequel comes out in March (Yay!).

Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman

A nonfiction analysis of the pop culture of generation X to now, I've just started this one yesterday, but already like it. Thus far Chuck seems to be a slightly insane, cynical, embittered and sarcastic man with a strikingly (and somewhat painfully) accurate view of how American society is today. A book that's to be read in small doses (and taken with a grain of salt definitely). It will probably take me forever to read this book since, though I found myself cracking up at some parts, some of the truths of it are incredibly depressing prospects that when put in Chuck's light, are hard to view in a positive manner. Therefore I have to stop before I vomit out my intestines in horror from it all and go read something happier. Generally a good read for someone who wants to see todays pop culture viciously dismembered via biting sarcasm and a deranged sort of humor. (of course I've just gotten into the first two chapters so what do I know?)

Ok that's good for now, will more than likely add to this list later on.